Biblical Advice on raising children

[The Deacon OCS]

http://o-c-s.us/index.php?topic=49.msg1789#msg1789

Lion asked that we start a thread on "fatherly advice" for raising children. I changed it to Biblical Advice because, well, thats the best there is. But other sound advice that works is welcome too.

God gives parents instruction with this verse (one of many)
Prov 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it .
KJV

God also gives a parent a warning.
Eph 6:4  And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
KJV


I have a 14 year old daughter and like Lion's daughter, Bug OCS, she has an interest in boys. I also have 2 boys, one that is almost 13 and the other is 6. The boys are the easy ones at the moment.

We did tell our daughter that she would not date until she was 80yo  . However, when she became interested in a young christian man her age who was also the son of a Elder of our church we decided to allow it. His father is teaching him how a man, especially a Christian man, should treat a lady. God set a precedent for us when he said that we are to love our wives as Christ loved the Church. Anyway, the relationship is heavily monitored and regulated by both sets of parents. Since we all have the same values, it is easy to work together. We are also teaching our daughter how she should both choose a man (they must be evenly yoked and the man must exhibit a sound Christian walk ) and how she should treat him.

I feel for you Lion - this is a scary time in our lives. Keep the kids close to God and give it to God. And of course, don't forget the surveillance cameras and tracking devices. 

[PureKnight OCS]

Soon, my church will be teaching "Love and Logic" in Sunday School and I am looking forward to it. I am not father yet but on other hand, I am considering as father in the ministry. Pastor is considered and defined as Shepherd. I know it is not connected or related closely but we must acknowledge that America is facing a problem which is father-ing-less (fathering mean a quality relationship with children. Being father is not defined as quality but defined as a biological fact. We dont need a biological fact but NEED quality relationship.) I major in Sociology and I see this as a problem in America. So... Lion and Deacon, I have no doubt that you are wonderful fathering because you are looking for wisdom and improvment. Just one word of advice... dont be doing the "telling" but be doing the "showing". By this, you are to showing your children to the life. Let your children witness of what you are all about. It is powerful educator. So, watch your action, talk, thought, and attitude. And of course, nothing is important than being fervent in prayer and have another beloved believer to join the prayer also.

I thought you may interesting into this website. It does various of research on issue of father. I enjoy the finding. I am not sure if it is Christian website but it is very informative. They also offer wonderful resource but costly resource. here is the website http://www.fathers.com/content/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=75&Itemid=109. ENJOY.

Oh yes... just last thing... I would encourage you to study Old Testament character and see how they accomplish as father and how they fail as father. For example, Jacob fail as father numerous times. Abraham fails as father numerous times. Also consider about King David, King Solomon, and others. Even consider about passivity of Adam. Strangely, I cannot think whoever is successful father in the Old Testament. I think I am being hindsight right now, my bad. I am only on my first cup of coffee so excuse me. LOL.

[The Deacon OCS]

Just one word of advice... don't be doing the "telling" but be doing the "showing". By this, you are to showing your children to the life. Let your children witness of what you are all about.

Very true and very good advice. It is the same for our Christian walk - people must see that our walk/words match our belief. Easy to say, hard to do. As parents, we stumble daily and hopefully our kids will not be the worse for it. So far, I have 3 great kids. One of them "The Deacons Son" plays on the server on occasion.

[Nighthawk]

the one thing i would add     is i remember most about my father is he involed me and my family in his walk and worship it made for me a solid fondation Great family values and morals and complete trust in God        Thanks for a great post Deacon / Lion

[TheLastSparten OCS]

I know I'm only 17, but I know that if the family sticks together and loves one another, there shouldn't be too much trouble.

And don't forget the role of the mother. Fathers are important, but it's the mother that really runs the show. Just a little bit of past on fatherly wisdom for you.

[Mouko OCS]

If it's the mother "running the show," only part of the job's getting done.  I see too many fathers adopting that mentality...then slack on their own responsibilities.  God's given BOTH parents a role to play.  BOTH need to do it.  I pray for single parents as I know the job must be double the effort for them...but I am thankful for the faithful parents.

The problem today seems some parents are getting lazy and don't want to raise their children, just have them...unfortunately almost like pets.

[The Deacon OCS]

Men are to be the head of their household and spiritual leaders of their family. ANd men are called to love their wives as Christ loved the Church.

[Mouko OCS]

Amen...

So many have forgotten God's call on husbands and wives and replaced it with today's cultural ideas on what a marriage should be.

[TheLastSparten OCS]

I'm sorry if you guys got the wrong idea with my post. All I meant was that it's the mothers who make sure everyone is where they need to be, that the food is on the table when it needs to be there, and basically keep the family running smoothly.

Fathers are a very important part of the household. Just sometimes the mom's become overlooked or disrespected now-a-days when they really shouldn't be.

[The Deacon OCS]

Fathers are a very important part of the household. Just sometimes the mom's become overlooked or disrespected now-a-days....

No argument here.

[Nighthawk]

I know the passing of my mother was harder to take than my dads i dont know why  but ive always heard behind every good man there is a great woman

[Mouko OCS]

Yeah, I get a little passionate on this topic.  When I see the way MANY parents are today...I believe much in part due to a non-scriptural view of marriage and parenting...giving in to the pop-culture views of today...it greatly frustrates me.  Many "fathers" are not being fathers...and many "mothers" are not being mothers.  I've seen situations where it seems there is only ONE parent though the father and mother are both there.

It's not that I had a problem with what you saying what you did Sparten...the problem is with that idea having been adopted by much of the world, and even within the Church.  God has a design for the family...not many different designs...ONE.  There are many fathers that need to step up and BE the man God has called them to be in the home.

That's part of the  reason I'm soaking up whatever advice I can from parents I know that love the Lord and want the best for their children in Him...so please, keep it coming dad's!!  EAGER LEARNER HERE!!

[PureKnight OCS]

You are right... mother play important role. Mother is irreplaceable role. Nobody can replace the motherhood. Importantly, without Eve and daughter of Eve, the life end before you know it. God's last creation is WOMAN! I am not saying He stop working after created Eve but Eve is the "crown" of creation. Eve is the birth to life and blood line to Jesus. Without Mary, Jesus cannot be born. So... truly truly... mother is important. During Jesus's ministry, women is the mainly one who support Jesus finanically. Women often bring the heart out of men that men never thought they have it.

Now that I place mother, woman, Eve an important role... I often wish my father play more role in my life that would shape my world better. I just wish my father would teach me the stuff that I need to live by everyday lives. I wish my father would play with me in any sport of my choice and preference. I wish my father would sit and listen to what I have say and will learn sign language better. I wish my father would embrance deaf world and will not be impatience with it. Even more... I wish my grandfather and uncle treat me better. I wish my coach would admire me. I wish my dorm supervisor take a notice a little boy inside of me calling for "fathering". I am fathering-deviant.

This world would be very better if children will have BOTH mother and father. Let us not deny this truth that we really DO need father. It is natural wiring in every men to be men and I would wish women will let us to be men. Not to tame us or to get us under control. But rather to allow our imagination goes wild and let our heart go wild also.

It take a heart to win the lost soul. First, our OWN heart need to be heal.

Now, I dont know why I am posting this but I feel I need to. Jesus bless you.

[Ticker OCS]

I remember when I was a kid, I went with my dad to this old country church down in KY, the preacher was up there preaching hellfire and brimstone. His kids were running around acting like yard apes (2 boys) and one of em ran by him and knocked a hymnal off of the podium. Next thing I know, the preachers bible hits the ceiling fan above the podium, his belt is off and he's just whipping this boy like his pants are on fire LOL. That was when I decided to be good in church 

[PureKnight OCS]

wow, ticker... are you serious?!

[Mouko OCS]

LOL!!  Wow!!  Amen!!

[Ticker OCS]

Yep that is a true story Pure 

[PureKnight OCS]

preacher whip their own kid in front of congregation?! wow...

[Cortath OCS]

  Wow! 

[Trauma Triage]

Reminds me of that skit by Rodney Carrington, "Is'nt it funny when you go to walmart and you always see some lady whippin her kids, almost like a bell goes off and a voice over the intercom says "WHIP YER KIDS." You dont even have to worry about being too tired too cause the greeter guy is like "Ya Want me to Woop Em." That's why kids are so dang terrified of walmart. You dont even have to count to 5 anymore, just say Hey Boys were going to wall mart, and they start sobbin and plead "Oh no Daddy, not walmart, anything just not that."

[Ticker OCS]

LOL thats hilarious man, reminds me of my sister and her 3 kids lol. My problem is when you get them in Wal Mart they come running up to you yelling "PLEASE OH PLEASE can we get the fruity pebbles, please oh please" and you say "I'm not getting that, I bought it the last time and it went stale you guys didn't even eat it"..."We'll eat it this, I promise, we'll eat it I promise" and you say no, then they flop down on the floor and start kicking and thrashing and screaming. That is the point, when you look at the kid and say "Where...are...your...parents"

[The Deacon OCS]

Everytime I go to Walmart (not often), my wife has to remind me to "walk like Jesus". That place just brings out the worse in me. I have never been to a place where there were so many rude and disrespectful people under one roof. I guess my parents just raised me different. Thus the point, Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it .

[Mouko OCS]

I worked at Wal-Mart for a while way back when.  I was working the checkout line one day when this lady came through with a smart-mouth girl of about 12 or so I think.  Her mother said something to her and the child then shot back with a remark that had I said to my own parents would have found my teeth about 20 feet away, after I woke up, if I woke up...heh heh.  I wanted to reach across the counter and pop her...oy...my jaw just hit the floor, the mother did nothing.  It amazes me how much many parents cater to their children and let them rule over them. 

[The Deacon OCS]

Very telling about our society today Mouko. Reminds me of how far our children will go:

Matt 10:21

21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
KJV

[Nighthawk]

very true i know my father would have knocked me out i would have never talked back to him but not in fear but out of the great love and respect we had for each other  oh dont get me wrong he wouldnt hesatate to warm up my levis if i had it comeing    but never out of anger  i loved my dad and i sured do miss him and i  sure was bless to be  raised by Godly parents and knowing oneday soon i ll be with them again     you people are great love you all  God bless every one of you

[Mouko OCS]

My pastor was going to preach a sermon series on this very topic before he left, but didn't get the chance with us.  I believe our congregation needed to hear it.  He came up with a word, that I can't remember off the top of my head, that described how MANY parents today seem to "worship" their children.  Their children have almost become their "god." 

Think about it...what's one of the common responses to a child, as we say in the country, "pitchin' a fit?"  Give them what they want to make them happy and not cause any more trouble.  What's that sound like?  Appeasement maybe?  Today's apparent parenting philosophy?  Make the children happy...no matter if it's good for them or not, they gotta be happy...else they might get upset, and we can't have that.  It's "easier to just give them what they want," as I've heard a parent in my own extended family say.

There's just something wrong when a child dictates to a parent how things are going to be.