To Everyone: Im sorry. I let down myself. I let down my former squad members. I let down my brothers and sisters. I let down my Savior. This past year has been incredibly tough and life changing for me. All I thought about was myself and what would glorify me instead of what would glorify Christ. My own well-being and status was thus put before Christ. I was a hardcore "Sunday Morning Christian". Sundays and Wednesdays i would just go through the motions of worshipping Jesus, while at the same time texting some friends about how "so-and-so is such a(n) _____(you get my drift, i hope...). I used profanity liberally, to the point where i suprised myself with all of the messed-up things i could say to someone. I found myself become a very bitter person. Then, i became incredibly depressed. The girl of my dreams and I had gone on our first date (we went storm chasing...
) and i knew i loved her. However, later that week, she text messaged me telling me that she hoped i would (blank) off and die in a fire. That crushed me. Then i just started living life like it was my last day and began to spiral out of control. In september, I was arrested for reckless endangerment for tripling the speed limit on a residential street. That was probably the climax of my "bad days", and I knew that massive changes would be coming for me. Well, I got word that my grandfather came down with pnemonia in November while i was far away at a volleyball tornament... and i lost it, and completely broke down. I don't think i have ever cried that much in my life. My grandfather means so much to me and to lose him... wow im getting emotional just talking about this... I knew that I was not the person he was teaching me to be, so I got back in touch with Christ, and became a middle school church leader at my church, (and, this April, i lead worship for my church and youth group), and re-dedicated my life to Him. Then January 30 came, and i fell in love again. She was a beautiful, small-town girl who had it all- she had a voice that sounds like Jennifer Nettles and Miranda Lambert, and did small-time band-playing in little bars and made a great living. Next year she will study music in college. Anyway, i met her and things were really looking up for me. I knew i loved her, and to make a long story short, she was a liar and hurt me more than any other person in the world ever has or probably ever will. She restored those bitter and depressed feelings in me again, and there were a few days where i wished i could just jump off of a bridge. But i perservered, and reflected on my decisions again. I was going for the earthly and not the heavenly in everything that i had done. Then, I became more aligned with Christ, and things have gotten so much better for me. I made cheerleader again, and recently got a steady job. This summer I will work just about every day except Wednesday and Sunday to get a new truck and deck it out like the guys at TVN do. I posted the following on Facebook if i left anything out... : Deuteronomy 4:31 For the LORD your God is a merciful God; he will not abandon or destroy you or forget the covenant with your forefathers, which he confirmed to them by oath.
Isiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you;do not be dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
James 1:2-3 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.
This year has really been a roller coaster and has really helped me become a better person. I have gone from being in love to hating myself to "walking the walk" and loving myself for my inadequacies (?) and others; ... and, as most of you know, it all came to a head a couple weeks ago.
so what have i learned?
well...
i learned that no matter what goes on in life i'll always have Jesus; that God will never hate me despite what i think about myself, and that He blesses me every day.
I learned that love doesnt stop after high school. you all know the story, im sure... i meet amazing girl. i really like her. i dont have the guts to tell her. so i tell her i used to like her. i still did. you know... the same old same old. in fact i still did until here recently and had my soul searching episode. i came to a realization-- love doesnt stop after high school! in fact, some could say it begins! i mean, think about it! you get a whole new start in college! ( unless you go to AC ;P) so what if the girl you like doesnt like you? life goes on.
I learned who my friends are. Luke, Lacy, Elizabeth, Katie ( yes i did it like that to make it rhyme... oh yeah go me!), Logan, Ben, and Collin- ( sorry if i left you out but these are like my best, tell-stuff friends.) you guys are amazing. i know that i wouldn't be the person i am today without yall. i love every one of you very much and thank God for blessing me with you in my life every day. any time i have needed a friend, someone to vent to, draw fun things with, lift with, anything, i think of you. you have been with me through thick and thin and i know that yall are the real deal.
I learned that pride does go before a fall.
I learned how much i love my grandaddy and how devastated i will be when he is called higher.
in a sense, i'm learning who i am.
i love you all.
-Storm
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